In an announcement that shocked the entire performing arts world, heavy metal band HIMSA’s lead vocalist, John Pettibone, has just been named the lead (Playing the role of “Tony”) in 5th Ave’s production of “West Side Story”. Long heralded as the quintessential “MetalCore” front man, a genre noted for it’s guttural, semi-incomprehensible, “Cookie Monster” song stylings, the revelation that John Pettibone possesses the vocal range and pitch perfect key was indeed a big surprise. Also well known for his aggressive posture and stage presence, it’s been speculated that the “Bernado” 2nd male lead, the more adversarial character, would be a better match, but John Pettibone has long resisted type-casting in his theatrical endeavors, of which there have been none. “Sure, yeah, I can sing, but my heart is really in the DANCING,” proclaims John Pettibone.

Well known for grueling, all consuming rehearsal and performance schedules, Pettibone’s radical career shift to musical theatre heralds the end of HIMSA’s 10 year run as one of the great “MetalCore” bands.

HIMSA’s announcement to retire from full time musicianshipery was not entirely a surprise for friends and fans, coming as it did in the wake of guitar player Kirby Johnson’s quiet return to the U.S. Professional Tennis Circuit earlier this Spring. Johnson’s stunning upset at Wimbledon in ’96 at age 16 heralded a hugely anticipated career, only to be interrupted by his choice to pursue a career as a touring musician, ultimately joining the HIMSA ranks. Both professions are similarly physically demanding and require rigorous lifestyle and training disciplines, and as a result Johnson’s wicked guitar triumphs were expected. Returning to the courts at age 30 might seem ambitious to some, but the relentless touring of HIMSA has certainly kept Johnson in top condition. “Eh, championship level tennis, rock&roll, it’s the same thing. But, tennis is forever, I figured I’d come back to it. Rock&Roll is a young man’s sport,” reasons Johnson.

References to Johnson’s stalled ambitions in professional tennis have been clearly presented by HIMSA, in both their groundbreaking “Unleash Carnage” video and the live performance staging for the “Summon in Thunder” CD Release event Fall’ 07.

Speculation runs rampant that the gracious and sophisticated HIMSA guitar player Sammi Curr (AKA “DJ Sammi Curr”, “Wicked good guitar player”, “Josh Mosh”, and “The Bitch”) will finally accept the long standing offer to Co-Host Rachel Ray’s wildly popular “Cook with Rachel” show (Soon to be “Shredding and Cooking w/Sammi & Rachel”). Often citing his culinary tastes and skill set are a bit advanced for the show as his reason for holding out, the Food Channel has been actively recruiting Curr for years towards bringing some Rock&Roll Cosmopolitan Urban International flair to the proceedings. Further speculation has it that in the light of HIMSA’S retiring from the road, it’ll all come down to salary negotiations, and the show’s willingness to work around Curr’s child psychology practice. “Yeah. Rachel Ray, she’s not annoying,” said Curr in a recent interview. “And one certainly has to applaud her scarf choices”.

Possibly most known in culinary circles for Curr’s work in high end, large scale edible sculpture, it’s long been a well kept secret that the figures representing the band in HIMSA’s “Big Timber” Video are made entirely of liver pate, or in the alternative (for the vegans) soy.

Derek Harn, bass player and original HIMSA member is believed to be intent on dedicating himself full time to the dispensation of his vast fortune via the “Harn Foundation”. Having tirelessly managed the business of the band, his business and financial acumen is well established (See also: Harn’s ‘04’s critically well received text on music business economics, “Blood from a Stone”). In between completingthe restoration of his Norwegian Castle, Harn will be traveling the rural outbacks of Tennessee and Kentucky continuing his personal quest to identify, document and protect the uniquely American, endangered “Bootlegger Moonshine” culture, and facilitating international exchange programs for the studying and sharing of revered distilling traditions.

Newest HIMSA member, drummer Joe, will return to his academic post at Yale University as a Physics and Bio-Engineering Professor Fall quarter.

World renowned as amiable and well mannered gents, the HIMSA collective invites you to join them in a shared celebration of 10 glorious years in the professional recording and performing industry and grand new horizons for all. Liver and Soy pate will be served. Tennis balls, economic & physics texts will be autographed. Pettibone will dance. August 16th @ Seattle’s El Corazon. Formal Attire. RSVP’s are greatly appreciated.

Believe it; Julianne Andersen